Tongue In Cheek

The Egg

2010-10-14T00:39:00.005+08:00

by Andy Weir. (Thanks, Iqa, for showing this to me.)

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

And that’s when you met me.

“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

“Yup,” I said.

“I… I died?”

“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”

“More or less,” I said.

“Are you god?” You asked.

“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

“My kids… my wife,” you said.

“What about them?”

“Will they be all right?”

“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”

“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”

“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”

“Where you come from?” You said.

“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”

“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”

“So what’s the point of it all?”

“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”

“Just me? What about everyone else?”

“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Wait. I’m everyone!?”

“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

“I’m every human being who ever lived?”

“Or who will ever live, yes.”

“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

“And you’re the millions he killed.”

“I’m Jesus?”

“And you’re everyone who followed him.”

You fell silent.

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”

You thought for a long time.

“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”

“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”

“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

And I sent you on your way.

Gambling Hands

2010-09-18T10:51:00.002+08:00

You are the Court card combination

That makes an Ace of Spades not one

Of such low numeration

From a hand that has not won.

Extraordinary Mind

2010-09-15T00:30:00.003+08:00

by Andre Jordan.

I do not care what car you drive where you live,

If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone,

If your clothes are this year's cutting edge,

If your trust fund is unlimited,

If you are A-list, B-list, or never-heard-of-you list;

I only care about the words that flutter from your mind;

They are the only thing you truly own,

The only thing I will remember you by;

I will not fall in love with your bones and skin;

I will not fall in love with the places you have been;

I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

In Memoriam

2010-09-07T06:42:00.005+08:00

Fields of yellow, shades of grey

Overcast along the way;

Eyes of brown and skies so blue

Look like they're smiling back at you

You're as vain as they come

Yet your feet are on the ground;

Your mind flies above the clouds;

Your will is strong, your heart is proud

How you knew me then

But I could never tell

When you need someone,

You know just where to find me

And when you need a friend,

You know just where I will be;
I will be there

For you

Still waters run deep,

Hiding secrets not so easily retrieved;

They follow us beyond the grave

To where your memories are saved

We were younger then

And I remember it well

See me sink into the floor;

Watch me disappear up underneath my skin;

What's mine is yours is back once more

And times won't come back 'round again

We were foolish then

And I

An Apple Cleft In Two

2010-08-22T01:03:00.001+08:00

This quote is too good not to share.

“In greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” - Plato's Symposium

Black Beauty

2010-06-18T02:43:00.003+08:00

A protector’s image in the eye of mind

Alongside the sun and stars

Not like in beauty but like inside

Unequal distance, equally far

Pockmarked skies and painted clouds

Echo words between the grass

Riding on the backs of which

Lie secrets of the past

The harsh screams will pierce right through

And speed like bullets, like a train

A wish I may impose on you

To chase away the pain

Pay no heed, no thoughts nor mind

To sheltered words as sharp as swords

Deserving of replies unkind

Of swift-spoken retorts

Your visage in my eye of mind

Alongside the sun and stars

Not like in beauty but like inside

Unequal distance, equally far.

The Sleepless Lament

2010-06-03T00:01:00.005+08:00

With bated breath and stolen smiles,
The watcher watches thee;

With smokes, mirrors, and heavy sighs;

With quiet dignity.

From the eye within the mind

That thinks ever so fond

Come quick the waves of feeling kind

And strength within the bond.

O! Save me from this wretched curse;

I'd then bid thee adieu;

Make thee the last as well as first

To take me for a fool.

However brief, merciful be

The emptiness inside

Could simply eat the whole of me

No matter where I hide;

And so I hope to Gods above,

I pray I will break free;

These vines that hold me to thine love

Would let me go, I plea.

Alas, the time has not yet come

For me to mend my ways;

The damage henceforth has been done

And put me in my place.

Choose not, want not, but here I stand;

Alive, awake, alone;

Betrothed to dreams so fleeting and

Left chilled down to the bone;

And unto this I bow my head,

I lay these thoughts to rest,

Embrace the night and head to bed

For an hour's sleep, at best.

What Would Love Do Now?

2010-06-01T00:46:00.004+08:00

This song truly speaks to me in so many ways, with its simplicity and honesty. Just thought I'd share it.

What Would Love Do Now? by Jason Mraz

It's nice to meet you; no, I'm not from outer space

But I'd like to take you to a higher place

Where we won't ever have to leave the ground

Just ask what love would do now.

If it's got you thinking about a change of scenery

Try letting go of what it was or how things ought to be

And ask what love would do now

Just ask what love would do now.

If you'd care to join me, oh, when you shake my hand,

Do not let go and soon you'll understand

What it means to have a friend beside you

Who's there to remind you

That love is what you are right now

Ask what would love do

What would love do

What would love do now?

Oh, what would love do now?

What would love do now?

Well, Love would love to love you now.

Mr. Writer

2010-04-30T01:58:00.003+08:00

Every night has its own sound – the underlying low tone that hides beneath the silence borne of sleeping souls. Tonight plays differently. I sit in solitude and listen hard to soundless hums weaved into the dark. Shadows stretch beyond borders and creep up and down walls, welcoming and repulsive all at once. The darkness is like a blanket, wrapped comfortably around my person as both sleep and troubled thoughts beckon and tempt me. It is all too easy to lose myself. I need only choose.

A bottle of well-aged single malt Scotch – admittedly unladylike on all premises – stands proudly on the oak table by the window, accompanied by two sparkling glasses and promising nights of loosened inhibitions, drunken stupors, and memory loss. Fine Cuban cigars, exquisitely wrapped and painstakingly kept in a decoratively half-open box, share the surface of the table and, presumably, contribute to the fresh, earthy smell of the room. These vices could well bring me to and through the tangled mess of vines, webs, and stray thoughts, should I so choose. But I do not.

Not tonight.

Tonight, I have disappeared beneath layers of imperfectly smooth skin and watchful words; I have drowned in a sea of fallacies and logic – of truth and pretense – and my capability to differentiate them has faltered and faded away to the dark recesses of my addled brain. I have stumbled into a bog where the air is heavy with pre-conceived notions and habits, and ideas of a true self have long-since touched the soggy swamp floor.

A vision of dark eyes and palpable facades, dragged from the underbelly of my mind, reflect in the haunting, pale face of the full moon suspended in the starless sky – or perhaps the reflection is in mine own eye. I have been down this road before. I have walked this path. I know the tell-tale signs, the indications that only I can detect – the symptoms of a disease only I know of. No, not an ailment – a compulsion. An addiction.

I am falling down the rabbit hole. Only this time, I know where the tunnel leads. How do I change direction? How do I go back? The instant my feet touch the ground, I will lose myself. Bit by bit, inch by inch, word by word, I will fade. I must hold on to reality, to the slippery rascal squirming in my grasp even now, as I sit here.

It is all too easy to lose myself; in alcohol, in drugs, in cigarettes, in the throes of pleasure, and fits of pain. All too easy, but I do not. I will not.

And I will not lose myself in you.

The Clockwork Heart

2010-03-20T19:54:00.004+08:00

The Clockwork heart beats in a box

Of copper, iron, and bronze afire;

It fuels itself and not much else

And sparks, ignites desire.

Click, it comes, and clang, it goes

To and fro forever;

Pulsating free of humane bonds

That tie a life together.

So sharp, so quick, such certainty,

Uniformly at random;

Gears work and then lock into place

A lover's thoughts in tandem.

That'll Do

2009-09-23T00:29:00.003+08:00

"Nothing really matters to me," - Queen, 'Bohemian Rhapsody'

What matters to you?

Is it money?
Wealth, living a life of leisure and having an allowance that whole countries refer to as their national treasury? Being able to buy anything and everything that you want, beyond your wildest dreams, and most others'? Owning half the real estate in town and leasing the other half while you gallivant around the globe without a monetary care?

Is it love?
Having someone to rely on, to depend on, to make you feel comfortable and never lonely? Settling down with a family and living life as a parent or dedicated spouse, forever sharing your life with another? Knowing that you wouldn't have to worry about dying alone or feel that love-sick ache?

Is it fame?
Having people know your name, recognize you wherever you go, and clamor for pictures with you, or your autograph? Enjoying the privileges that come with everybody wanting you around? Winning the popularity contest at a global stage, and knowing that you'd be treated as an important guest no matter where you are?

Is it making a difference?
Being able to help others, help the world heal in any way possible, no matter how small? Devoting time and effort to making some big change in the world, something that affects everyone in however minute a way? Helping those who can't help themselves?

Is it living?
Experiencing new things, doing something different every day, and enjoying life in every way possible before you can enjoy it no longer? Getting a job you love so you'd never have to work any day of your life? Seizing the opportunity before it passes you by?

What is it that you live for, strive for, and long for?
What matters to you?
What's life to you?

Cogito Ergo Sum

2009-07-19T00:18:00.007+08:00

Do you believe in The Secret?

A few years back, a certain self-help/philosophy-lifestyle-type book hit the shelves and became a worlwide phenomenon. The Secret outlines the "most powerful law in the universe" - the Law Of Attraction. Like attracts like. Whatever you think, you broadcast to the universe, and the universe responds.

I can be a pretty cynical person. When I first read it, I thought, "Shyeah, cause life's that easy." But thinking back, it basically explains one basic rule of life - a philosophy that everyone hears from cradle to grave: Be Positive. Think Positive. "I think, therefore I am."

The most difficult part of it (for me, at least), is to control my thoughts and send them all in a positive direction. I find it tough to be all "hakuna matata" (which, interestingly, means "No Worries" if directly translated from Swahili) when it comes to my thoughts. A stray negative thought would pop up. And although you push it away, it's already there.

It's what you do think, deep down. How do you convince yourself otherwise? How do you persuade yourself to only think positive - to only focus on one thing and not think of the other possibilities? Tell yourself "Don't think of a pink elephant", and a pink elephant will immediately pop into your head, whether you like it or not.

How do you change your way of thinking?

I never got that, and I still don't. Maybe I'm too stubborn to be so easily persuaded, even by my own mind.

So far it hasn't worked for me. But I'm still trying. It's a part of personal growth, I guess, and we've gotta take it one step at a time. Instead of thinking of what you want, think about what you have. At worst, you have yourself. You alone have the power to change what you are - so you can be and have whatever you want.

Instead of thinking of what you could have had, be grateful for what you did get.

Appreciate, perhaps, that you have the chance to desire, to yearn, to envy, to live.

Think, perhaps, of others and the bigger picture instead of worrying over petty details.

Try, perhaps, to let the negative feelings wash over you, seep through, and then leave with no effect, like wind through leaves. Don't ignore them completely. Just let them take their course, and then go back to thinking "But hey, at least..."

Believe, perhaps, that things get better from here. That things will work out in the end.

Say, perhaps, to yourself:

I am lucky. I am grateful. I am me.

I try. I live. I love. And I do believe.

From Behind A Coffee Cup

2009-06-28T03:42:00.004+08:00

Let's talk.

But to be honest, I'd rather listen. That's something a lot of people don't know about me. You see, I learn more when I listen - I glean more information, and I get to know you a little better. I talk because most people need some prompting before they do. It's easier, it seems, if someone begins, so you can just pick up and from there, conversation flows. Over coffee, tea, breakfast, dinner, a broken table, a sofa, wherever - stimulating conversation is something that I adore.

Conversation is a treat. Real conversation, not forced chit-chat or meaningless small talk. Not the normal question-answer sort of thing. Conversation is interaction between minds, the exchanging of ideas and opinions both meaningless and meaningful, and sharing of a little bit of oneself, whether intentional or not. Conversation determines friendships and rivalries. Conversation begets laughter and tears all at once. It triggers happiness and sadness as well as the entire spectrum of emotions in between. Conversation wins you your heart's desire, or loses you everything you hold dear.

Conversation helps you feel a little bit more comfortable in strange surroundings - keeps you company when you would otherwise feel all alone. It ties us all together. Conversation is communication.

And communication is everything, isn't it? Most conflicts happen because of communication breakdown or some sort of mishap in communication. Of course, communication doesn't necessarily mean words. Body language, eye contact, companiable silences and all that. After all, some people don't seem to get that you don't always have to fill in silences. Sometimes, just your presence is enough. Sometimes. Conversation leads you to that stage where it isn't needed anymore; to that point where communication doesn't need words.

At that stage, conversation lets go of your hand and you're free to roam a whole new level of personal - of intimacy, and closeness, and understanding between people.

Hello, there. I'm me. I have a whole bunch of stuff running through my mind. Stuff I strongly believe in or stuff that lie just out of my grasp when I try to pin them down. Stuff that may be interesting, or not. That depends. It depends on you.

Hello. I have a different way of looking at things than you do. Or maybe we look at them the same way - who's to say?

Hello. I have my own world to live in. But you're welcome to take a peek or step inside.

Hello. Talk to me. Let me listen. What's on your mind? How are you? I really would like to know.

Hi.
Tell me everything.

Let's talk.

Wed Nov 18 08

Notice

2009-06-20T14:44:00.002+08:00

HEAR YE, HEAR YE.

Following its migration to Blogger from Livejournal,
this blog is undergoing gradual transformation.
Personal blog to music/gaming/entertainment/original-creative-dump blog.

Love Is

2009-06-16T19:43:00.009+08:00

Download the acoustic preview recording here.

Love Is

I, well, I think that you

Could never know the way

You look to me

The way you seem to me

And how everything just falls right into place

Your words, your eyes,

They remind me

Of a better place, of a simpler taste of life

And of a long-forgotten dream to be

One or the other,

The lie or the lover, oh

Singin', oh

Love is a many-ended story

It's a many-headed monster

But it's the still of the night and the sun when you wake and

Love, it's a many-a-thorned roses

It's a many-a-twist of mazes

It's memories of faces and wanting just one

Oh, love

It's you

Some of the time, well, I think that I

I think that I can't tear myself

Away from you

No matter what I do

Everything just comes right back to you

Your voice, your smile

Oh, your hair, your very being

Reminds me

Of the stormy deep blue sea

Ever-changing, ever-lasting

Bewitching me

Singin',

Oh, love is a many-ended story

It's a many-a-headed monster

But it's the still of the night and the sun when you wake and,

Love, it's a many-a-thorned roses

It's a many-a-twist of mazes

It's memories of faces and wanting just
Oh, just, just this one

When dreams aren't dreams

But really memories

Of a future past

And present reveries

Oh, love, love, love

Can you believe it?

Oh, the plot does thicken, yes it do

Oh, love, love, love

Lover, listen

Oh, lover, love, lover, it's you

Sing it with me, singin' of

Love, it's a many-ended story

It's a many-headed monster

But it's the still of the night and the sun when you wake

Oh, love, it's a many-a-thorned roses

And it's a many-a-twist of mazes

It's memories of faces

Beautiful places

Love, oh, the seashells by the pretty shore

The gentle touch of spring and fall

Snowflakes, the flowers

Minutes, the hours

Oh, every fairytale you've ever read

Every single tear you've ever shed

Every remedy, every symphony

And oh,

It's a feeling that you can't deny

An instinct that you can't defy

Love is this, and this and this

And so much more

To me,

Love is you

I Can't Get Enough Of Transformers Because...

2009-06-15T16:12:00.001+08:00

I'M IN IT!

No. Seriously.

Proof:

And that's not all.

My friends are in it, too.

Behold!

Louis Yap, of Behind Corrective Lenses as Sam Witwicky.

Michael Campton, of Doctor Popcorn as Captain Lennox.

And last but not least, my "extra" role:

Okay, so that last one might be fake.

But the rest are real. Really.

Now do you see why I Can't Get Enough Of Transformers?

This madness was triggered by Nuffnang's Transformers Competition.

And yes, don't worry, Transformers-fans. All pictures have been altered from the original.

From This Point On

2009-06-09T05:22:00.002+08:00

I realize I haven't been blogging much - I guess there's just not much I could comment on. Or, to be more accurate, even if I did want to comment, I find myself wanting in words.

With college being (finally) over, there're a lot of things that demand attention; choices need pondering, futures need planning, and decisions need making. Somehow I feel exactly like how I did a little over a year ago, when high school ended - thrown into a seemingly endless holiday period with uncertainties in how to proceed, and the responsibility of adapting to change. I think this time around, I have a lot to face up to.

It's about time, I guess.

The Only Life You Can Save - Jason Mraz

All bets are off from this point on
Starting now, my interest is gone
You said I had to be a better friend
But not in a friendly way did you say it
I won't follow demands

It's never too late to start over
I'm giving these bones a try
Wherever is home, the heart is
Be glad to be along for the ride

It's never too late to save
The only life you can save

Already gone, checked out, and boarded
Another aeroplane with an angel
Flying shotgun up into space

And already asleep in a magazine
Nose in the fold of a lucid dream
Ready for walking out on the wings

It's never too late to jump out
I'm teaching myself to fly
I'm willing to hit the ground
When I decide

It's never too late to save
The only life you can save

Though the road is long
Carry on, carry on

Be a phenomenon
Carry on and on

It's never too late to start
You're never too old to try
Wherever is home, the heart is
And my heart's inside

It's never too late to save
The only life you can save

Brushfire Records and Monotone present

2009-05-20T12:18:00.001+08:00

Zee Avi

Malaysia's very own Youtube star. Check her out!

She's awesome, I kid you not.

Listen. Now.

No Day But Today

2009-05-11T20:45:00.001+08:00

(Becca's Valedictorian-Graduation Speech from Grey's Anatomy 522 - 'What A Difference A Day Makes'. )

Today’s the day my life begins.
Today I become a citizen of the world.
Today I become a grown up.
Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents.
Accountable for more than my grades.
Today, I become accountable to the world.
To the future.
To all the possibilities that life has to offer.
Starting today, my job is to show up wide-eyed and willing and ready.
For what, I don’t know.
For anything.
For everything.
To take on life.
To take on love.
To take on the responsibility and possibility.
Today, my friends, our lives begin.
And, I, for one...

Can't wait.

Just Right

2009-05-02T02:16:00.001+08:00

Do you ever wonder why people do what they do? What drives them to their actions, good or bad? It all boils down to perception, I suppose. What you do is how you react to the world, and the way you react to the world depends on how you perceive whatever comes your way. In a manner of speaking, our actions are dictated by what we take life as - "the meaning of life", if you will.

Philosophers throughout history have worked their behinds off trying to find the meaning of life, or the answer to life, or really, anything that can explain our existence, as a species, and individually. Some simply take things as they are and don't question further, most rely on faith (in other words, religion).

I guess everyone spends their lives trying to find some sort of balance - an equilibrium that can be kept constant in order to keep yourself happy. But, as is nature's rule, the only thing constant is change. So the conditions for this balanced state, the point of equilibrium, is always changing because circumstances change, so the world is always changing. And so life is sort of like a film, documenting our attempts to obtain and maintain that balance.

The point of equilibrium is different for everyone though, I would think. A person's personality would depend on how they balance good and bad in their lives - for some people, more good is needed than bad to keep the playing field level, and for others, it's the other way around. Some just float in between. Everything is about that balance, really.

Life is a delicate balance of work and play - fun and responsibility. Happy and sad. Highs and lows, ups and downs, good and bad, yin and yang.

What you've got to do is figure out what your recipe is, so that in the end everything comes out just right.

Feeling a little less that and a little more this. But I'll find my balance.

Namaste.

Of This And That

2009-04-11T15:40:00.002+08:00

Written on the 19th of March 09.

How things have changed.

Memories of sunny days, laughter, a (mostly) green field marred only by a half-finished tar road, and dangerous wire fences have migrated somewhere to the back of my mind, emerging rarely and seemingly, only at a silent cue. Flashes of an overactive imagination, of a maturing mind that was suppressed as much as possible, denied by a childish pretentiousness.

My childhood was a little over, or a little under a decade ago. The boundaries are so blurred, the transition to adolescence and young adulthood so unnoticeable, that I can’t really tell. I don’t think any seventeen-year-old can. Around ten years – hardly one-sixth of a lifetime, and my mind has already fermented the memories, polluting them with age.

Age and responsibility.

Which would you prefer? Naïveté and the clichéd bliss or unknowing happiness that comes with it, or knowledge, age, responsibility, and the world-heavy burden that is slowly piled upon your shoulders? Maybe problems didn’t get bigger – maybe we’re just more preoccupied with ourselves, and our concern for them increased.

Growing up is a tricky thing. There’s no way to do it wrong, or to do it right, but however you do it makes a lot of difference. Does childhood matter, or does the gradual change to adolescence matter? Maybe they both do. Maybe neither does.

I was a child with imagination in abundance – one foot in reality and the other in a world of my own. Or perhaps I only had a few toes dipped in reality and spent most of my time in my fantasy world. But I wasn’t one of those kids with imaginary friends. Imaginary friends bore me – they don’t do anything exciting, they don’t change your life.

But I did have a friend in my fantasy world. She was a lot like me. And we traversed the horizons of creativity, leaving trails of books and written work behind us, and testing the boundaries of our imagination together. We used to write realms of our own, come up with our own memories and feel as if they were real. As if the simple act of writing something made it real, at least for us. I haven’t seen her in years.

I glance to my right – to the most recent of the select few of elevated importance in my life. She is sketching something –she always does in class, and somehow, every time, I find myself curious to see what she has come up with this time. It’s always something that makes my breath catch, that makes time stand still for a few moments while I ponder on thoughts that spring unbidden into my mind. It's always something that makes me think.

She doesn’t know that.

I catch a glimpse of her sketch. She’s drawing her own hand. It looks like she took an image of her own hand and transferred it seamlessly onto paper. It’s brilliant. Or at least, I think so. I can’t draw a cloud without getting frustrated, and I’ve learned the hard way that drawing a hand is not as simple as it seems.

She’s shading the hand. Cross-shading, I think. It looks like something one of those art-class students would do -something that I could never achieve. She’s so engrossed in it, hardly paying attention to whatever’s around her. I can’t pass a comment – I just wait for the end-product, content to admire it. It is an ability that I cannot share. She doesn’t read a lot. She doesn’t write like I do. Like I used to.

How things have changed.

***

I’ve done a lot of stuff I’m not proud of. Even as a child. No, especially as a child. Children do not have egos, not as adults do. They do not particularly feel the need to prove their worth to the world. They have a different sort of yearning. Children have an innate desire to fit in. Some who are a little different - a little shyer, or less physically able, with a different sense of humor or, in this particular case, a lot more imagination – have things slightly tougher.

I used to be the sort of kid who cared about what the other kids thought. True, I wasn’t the conforming type, but I did gravitate towards certain groups, craving to belong. Most people, it seems, cannot relate to the dreamer in me, and in my eagerness to fit in, that dreamer was suppressed. I cared about what they thought. She never did.

Quite honestly, I pride myself on being a good friend, or, at the very least, being able to be a good friend. I always have, and I always try my hardest to live up to that reputation. To be there, as a friend in need and a friend indeed. Isn’t that how the saying goes? But I admit, I was not a good friend to her. I have not been anything but a horrible friend.

One of the things that we shared, among penning down dreams and visions of an alternate reality, was a tendency to pretend to ourselves that our reality was real. Only to us, but real nonetheless. It was a childish game, one that we got carried away with. We’d manage to convince ourselves that these figments of our imaginations existed, and not only within our minds – and that we could see them because... well, because it was us. We could do anything. It was our world. Our world and no one else could step into it.

I’d never have let anyone else in on my guilty indulgence of the fantasy world. As far as I was concerned, that world would not exist outside both our minds. No one else could know, they didn’t deserve to know. Or that’s what I told myself. She never saw a reason to hide it. And I failed to support her, to defend her. I turned toward her in the barrage of insults and sarcasm and said nothing of my role in this. I played the part of the humoring friend.

A friend of the very worst kind.

And when she asked me about it later, I couldn’t answer. I just shrugged helplessly and mumbled something. She regarded me for a moment, and then nodded. For a week, she was distant from me. But, being her, she eventually let it go. She was one of the only people I’ve ever known, even until now, to really be honest about who she was. She may not have been comfortable, not for another few years, at least, but she wasn’t ashamed of her very being. She was a friend that I took for granted, underrated and unseen for all those long years.

A friend of the truest kind.

***

Not many knew of our kinship, and though I still talked to her, the frequency of our conversations decreased over the years. Soon, she was just another face I passed in the corridor, though I still smiled, still laughed, still acknowledged her. But she was just another. We would attempt to write again together once in a while, but my notorious inability to commit meant that each and every project was abandoned. My writing became more and more scarce. Hers became more and more brilliant.

She would mention, in passing, about the difference in my attitude as I gained more friends. I ignored it. I would never become one of those high-powered ‘popular’ snobs, I knew. I stayed out of the limelight, out of the trademark high-school race of becoming the most popular. I never did become one of them, thankfully – but I did dismiss her among others as I met other people. Eventually, we fell apart, led our own lives, and had our own friends – some of whom were mutual. And from then, she’s floated in and out of my life at random times. Sometimes we’d talk and get excited over a project, and then there’d be a long period void of communication until one or the other starts up again.

We never did talk about our falling out. And I never did say sorry.

I’m sorry.

I really am.

***

I wonder if anyone ever knows where they stand with others. I wonder where I stand with others, how they see me. I wonder if they know how I see them. Is it possible to really understand how important or unimportant you are to someone? I wonder if my family knows how I feel about them. I wonder if they know that friends take a spot above them in my life, in many ways but one. I wonder about my friends, and if they know just who each and every one of them are to me. I wonder about lovers, and best friends, and how secure they can be in their commitments.

I never saw the sense in that term – best friends. It seems so shallow, like an award to be given out. How can you choose the best out of your friends? The term ‘friend’ itself is used to refer to almost anyone, but when taken in a different context, the scope is suddenly narrowed. I refer to many people as friends of mine, but I regard only a few as my friends, and even fewer as best friends. ‘Best friends’. It doesn’t truly convey what a person is to you. What is a best friend anyway?

I’ve had a few best friends before. Or, to be more accurate, people I referred to as my best friends. Most of them simply because we spent so much time together. One, a friend that I have never not known for a single day in my entire life until the morning of the 12^th of February 2008; a loss that I haven’t truly recovered from. Another became the little sister I never had, even until today. And once, in the early years of my school days, I learned what it was like to have a friend with whom I really clicked with. A friend who could burst out laughing at a joke of mine that no one else would understand, and still be one of the only people I’ve met who can hold their own in a battle of sarcasm and dry wit. I learned what it was like to be part of an inseparable duo, to have a connection that no one could even come close to understanding. I learned about trust, and finally, about disappointment.

How things have changed.

How I have changed.

How have I changed? I wonder suddenly. Do people change? Do we change, or only our perception of things? Things don’t change, I remember suddenly, and a small smile creeps along my face. Those were the words penned down by an old, very imaginative friend. Things don’t change, but our perception does. But do we change? My mind repeats the question. My answer comes in the form of a message, its harsh beeping tone reminding me of a favor I have promised to do. I have changed. When did I become this person?

A wave of bitterness.

I’m still making up for my mistakes. And I’m still making up for someone else’s actions. I would do anything, anything at all, to avoid history repeating itself. Anything. Maybe I am over-compensating. Or maybe I am simply anticipating the inevitable. After all, all good things come to an end. My stomach churns, and a familiar feeling, one I despise, roils up from somewhere inside me. Memories that I don’t want to remember are devastatingly clear, significant moments playing in somewhere in my head, persisting at the back of my mind. But the wave of emotion is nothing but a shadow of the past. It only disturbs me when I remember. It’s in the past, I remind myself. It’s been too long, almost.

Maybe it still sort of hurts. Or maybe only the memory of it does. I shake it off. It is only the memory of it that unnerves me so. The memory of things ripped away from me.

When did I become this person? There was disdain even in the tone of my thoughts. When? I don’t remember when I got too used to having a presence around me. I am too much too used to it. I may be glorifying things, seeing something that isn’t there. It occurs to me that I’m questioning something that should not be questioned – something I have a habit of doing when it comes to many things; religion, myths, logic, politics. I suppose I can be considered too curious, too skeptical for my own good. It is a tendency borne of the quiet, hidden insecurities that I am prone to have, and at times, dwell on. After all, I am only one person, a barely-mature teenager drowning in the tides of time.

What do I matter?

Again, my thoughts turn to friendships. A familiar line of thought, long ago abandoned, slips into my mind. Why bother? Everything is temporary, and humans are built to disappoint. Life itself is a glitch in the system. A little burst of energy that dies off in less than a century. What’s a few decades compared to the age of the earth? What are petty human concerns to the universe? What is it about us that demands companionship beyond the basic animal mating instincts?

What is the point of naming, or even having friends, let alone best friends?

And so my thoughts slide in this morbid direction, a direction reminiscent of my earlier cynical years and the younger me – ironically, a less naïve me – who believed that trusting others and depending on others was just too much trouble than it was worth. No one has any obligations to anyone but themselves, after all. And I myself have proven on occasions to disappoint. I prefer people to not expect anything of me, so why should I expect anything of them? Why bother?

A familiar song plays as messenger alerts me to someone’s digital arrival. Startled, I glance down at my keyboard and notice my left hand lying dormant on the table. It resembles a sketch I’ve seen.

Images flash through my mind.

An image of two girls, happier in their own world than the real one. Of four friends, causing mayhem around a black marble swimming pool. Of hotels and lounge singers and sneaking into karaoke rooms. Of the exhilaration of being onstage, and a slightly violent game involving fifty cent coins. Of video games, gadgets, muffins, and sleepovers. Of a shared love for books and writing. A long-gone interest in hip-hop and graffiti art. A Polaroid by the swimming pool, and hilarious board games. A flight ticket to London, sleepless nights in a beautiful Italian city and bad taste in teenage boyfriends. A magical green highlighter and vocal lessons. Straw fedoras, photography, and indie love. A star-studded ring and a guitar riff. A green-eyed toy cat. An empty scrapbook in a brown bag and a private promise. Hunger in the wee hours of the morning. Cigarette smoke and plastic men.

A reminder that a best friend is yours, and everything from a falling star to a line in a song.

A tale of coffee-stains. A cross-shaded sketch.

And I remember why.

***

I love you.

The Countdown Begins

2009-02-19T23:15:00.001+08:00

Happy 19th to Iqa! =)

Things have been pretty damn hectic lately, and I'm actually only on to put this out to the world.

10 DAYS TO JASON MRAZ!

The Official Invitation To My Wedding

2009-01-14T21:14:00.001+08:00

Seventeen Things

2009-01-02T00:11:00.001+08:00

Inspired by Louis' new year's post.

Seventeen things that happened or that I did in '08. Not in any particular order, of course.

1. Performed as a solo acoustic act.

2. Showed up not looking like myself in Seventeen (As 'Atira - the girl in the hood' and with really heavy eye-makeup, no less)

3. Game night became a regular reunion thing, with more things to do (LAN, Wii, Ps3, Xbox) and more people.

4. Learned a new language (and forgot most of it a few months after).

5. Took on a role out of my comfort zone for a play and performed with little practice.

6. Attended three colleges: HELP for French, KDU for IB, and now Sunway for MUFY.

7. Spent New Year's in two very different ways:
a. 1st January '08 - Florence, Italy

b. 31st December '08 - Good ol' KL

8. Attempted and solved the Rubiks' cube

9. Went to Singapore to watch SingFest and Jason Mraz perform LIVE, baby!

10. Said goodbye to a lot of friends - in more ways than one.

11. Got a lot of techystuffs.

12. Made a lot of new friends

13. Tried a lot of new stuff - new interests.

14. Kept in touch with people I rarely see.

15. Got my SPM Results (without attending the ceremony)

16. Worked at Vincci+ (for like three days).

17. Went to hell and back, and made it through it all. (:

Bittersweet Sunshine

2008-12-26T00:34:00.001+08:00

Bittersweet Sunshine (Between Seven and Nine)

Well, then
It's been a while since we walked out of our front doors to face the world
My friend, it's been a hell of a year
Wouldn't you say?
We were running out of time, and then we ran out of breath
And we lost sight of the bigger picture

So we took some wrong turns
At least we made all the right returns

I,
I do honestly think
I,
Well, I truly believe
That we,
We can make it through this
Time together
'Cause, baby, obviously
We're you and me

Determination is the key, so, baby, don't give up
No, please, don't go giving up on me
Whaddya say?
All it takes is some patience with no limitations
A test of time can set you free
Oh, you know what I mean
A star is never too far, a wish never too foolish
We are what we want to be
Or what we want to see
A slip of the lip never hurt so don't hesitate
To dip your tired soul in our friendship

I know we took some wrong turns
Let me help you make all the right returns

I,
I do honestly think
I,
Well, I truly believe
That we,
We can make it through this
Time together
'Cause, baby, obviously
We're you and me

It's you and I as usual
It's you and me against the world
It's a secret that is yours and mine
It's you and

I,
I do honestly think
I,
Well, I truly believe
That we,
We can make it through this
So don't you worry,
I'll be your remedy
We're you and

I,
I could never define
Why you and I
Go so perfectly fine
You can't deny
We go together like
We're meant to be
So perfectly
You see
'Cause it comes naturally

It comes so naturally

And I promise, baby, that it's gonna be okay
Just take my hand, it's a brand new life, a brand new year
A brand new day
© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2008

2008-12-25T14:28:00.001+08:00

Credits to R. Motti@flickr

Merry Christmas, everybody.
=)

Between Us

2008-12-22T21:23:00.001+08:00

I, well, I keep
Going in circles
And I can't seem to stop

And I, well, I keep
Finding excuses
Just to call you and talk

Lalalala

I, well, I find
That just being around you
Can make my heart stop

And I, I, I, oh
I do mind
That fine fine line

Between us
Separating you and I
Between words
Hidden behind hellos and goodbyes
Oh, between the little thoughts that pass me by
There's an empty space
Where we belong
You and I

I, oh, I hope
That you understand
My insecurities

And I, I must
I must remind myself
Of the reality

Lalalala

I, yes, I know
That there are a lot
Of possibilities

But I, oh
I do trust
You'll tell me what's

Between us
Separating you and I
Between words
Hidden behind hellos and goodbyes
Oh, between the little thoughts that pass me by
There's an empty space
Where we belong

Between us
Meant for only you and I
Between words
Between the ground and flying high
Love
Between two hearts beating side by side
Oh my
This love we share
Is just between us
You and I

© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2008

House Of Dell

2008-12-22T17:15:00.001+08:00

A tribute to game day.
We probably just had our last game day of the year.
Sadly, we don't have a picture of the entire gang.
SOME PEOPLE were late.

The gang:
Banun, Iqa, Raz, Eka, Aiman, Louis, Nick, Yeng, and our newest recruit: Sean.
It began with four, happily annihilating each other in Halo 3's multiplayer mode.

Presenting:

GAME DAY V2.10
XBox 360
PS3
Wii
LAN Party
Taboo
My kitchen
Lots of jokes, insults, sarcasm, and laughter

To the founders!
Admiral Awesome, Ranger Rectum, Private Partsz, Girl General, and the Silent Lurker (Iqa).

Has anyone noticed that the stars are actually visible at night now? So beautiful. Well worth cricking my neck.

DOWNLOAD the new MSN. It has some pretty cool features, such as WebcamDynamic display pictures. Give it a shot.

On another note, does anybody know where to get Polaroid film? I recently found my old Polaroid camera, and I'd like to revive it. Please and thank you.

Your Attention Please

2008-12-20T19:33:00.001+08:00

Jason Mraz is performing in Malaysia on the 4th of March 2009.

GET. ME. BACKSTAGE. PASSES.
please.

Deeper Conversation

2008-12-14T03:21:00.001+08:00

by Yuna
An amazing yet-unsigned local artist. She immediately made it to my favourites list. CLICK for her myspace!

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outer space?
And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And I'm learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

If you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

If you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

----------------
Now playing: Yuna - Deeper Conversation

A Follower Of Things

2008-11-15T11:35:00.001+08:00

I've come to realize that as of late, my mood is not my own. How my day turns out to be doesn't depend on what I choose to do, or what mood I'm determined to be in for the rest of the day. It seems that the forces that be this year are determined to have it their way and only their way, because how the day goes, or how everything turns out, seems to depend on the rest of the world. The universe, if you will.

I'm but a follower of things, and a fickle-minded one at that. Whenever I think that something in my life has become constant, that I've affixed a piece of the puzzle to its place, the board jerks and the pieces move around again. I guess there's nothing for me to do but sit back and listen to the ever-changing music. Whenever it seems that the playlist has been decided, I'll walk over and turn up the volume.

Maybe I'm just tired of making decisions. Maybe this is all just a result of my fickle-mindedness, and it's just me refusing to decide or something.

Maybe, for once, I'm tired of choosing.

I'm in a good mood ~~today~~ right now. But it's sort of like smoke, lingering in the air, waiting for the winds of change to brush it away and bring along something new. Or waiting for me to take another puff and blow it away myself, replacing it with a new experience. It depends on what cards I'm dealt, what the 8 ball decides to show me when I shake it.

The choice isn't mine this time. But if it was?

Today is wonderfully normal. Today, I'm sixteen. Today, I'm blissfully clueless. Today is four months, five, a year, maybe even two years ago. Today is just another day. Today, I only just got back from three weeks overseas, ready to see what the year would bring me.

Today, I'm me, and everyone is who they're supposed to be.

But the world might decide to change that for me, or pleasantly surprise me and agree. Whatever it is, I'm ready to accept it.

I accept that I'm not ready to have control over my life yet. That, in many ways, I still have to depend on others, wait for their call, jump in their car and let them drive to wherever they may decide to take me. I accept that things change because we can't choose our moods. I accept that.

For now.

~~Just wait till I get my license.~~

Comments allowed!

2008-11-13T11:00:00.001+08:00

In the words of my driving-maintenance-lecturer, I'm such a mangosteen.

I just realized I actually CAN allow comments from non-LJ users.

(Thanks to Adam.)

LAWLZ0RZ.

*shot*

In other news...

No Small Change

2008-11-06T00:19:00.001+08:00

We're all trying something new this time.
Here we go.

Only Human

2008-10-24T02:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's like a silly dream
Without the comfort, though it may seem
That there is no pleasure without pain
No rules or lovers, it's just a game

There is no such thing as
True love having happy endings
We don't need another reason
To be left behind
Even if you try
To reach out to the sea or sky
You'll never live
Unless you learn to fly

We can try to walk among the gods
But it's hard to stand
Yet hand-in-hand
We'll soar above the clouds
In this lifetime
We must rely on each other
We cannot be angels
But at least we're still alive
And we'll lose ourselves tonight

And now you're moving with no speed
And live with no joy, punished by good deeds
Well, just remember that if you fall
I'll pull you back up and through it all

I know there's no such thing
As true love having happy endings
We don't need another reason
To be left behind
Even if you try to
Reach out to the sea or sky
You'll never live
Unless you learn to fly

We can try to walk among the gods
But it's hard to stand
Yet hand-in-hand
We'll soar above the clouds
In this lifetime
We must rely on each other
We cannot be anything but what we are

We can try
We will survive
We'll lose the battle, win the war
And find out what's worth living for

In this lifetime
You and I
Need each other
We cannot be them
But at least we know we're still alive
At least just for tonight
©NurBanun Atina Idris and Hana Shazwin

You Could -

2008-10-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

ditch it, kick it, push it, twist it, ponder it, discuss it, think it, wish it, try it, hide it, ignore it, change it, secure it, admit it, crush it, force it, miss it, stop it, wreck it, quit it, ask it, warn it, save it, regret it, remember it, forget it, plan it, dream it, feel it, trust it, hate it, explain it, justify it, reveal it, sing it, use it, control it - whatever, just

FIX IT.

Quoting Mraz

2008-10-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

I haven't been feeling very eloquent lately, but it looks like my husband knows exactly what I want to say. x)
No, seriously. He effortlessly makes the point that I struggle to string into words in my own head. Source here.

Last year Bob Dylan compiled a song list for Starbucks' Artist Choice Series. In addition to offering up a keen selection of country, blues, and jazz, he also supplied notes and commentary as to why he held the songs in such regard. BUT, the best part was the forward.

He wrote, "When I was asked to put together this collection of songs, I wasn't sure what to do. So I just grabbed a bunch of things I was into recently. Some people have favorite songs, but I've got songs of the minute -- songs that I'm listening to right now. And if you ask me about one of those songs a year from now, I might not even remember who did it, but at the moment it's everything to me."

I bring this up as today's lesson: Nothing is final. One day you're high. The next day you're low. You might have a funky, expressive, or awful haircut today, but soon it will grow into something else, something new and random. Maybe you grew up liking pop music and boy bands, but now you like a specific mash up of Electronic & Classical. You might decide you don't want to smoke cigarettes anymore; that it's just not who you are. Maybe you were a staunch republican but now have curiosities about the well-spoken and well-organized Democratic Nominee. Perhaps you were madly in love last week, but woke up today feeling comfort in solitude, without a desire to be held.

Everything is fine. Not finAL.

We tend to instantly identify with "things." And we believe in so much, when in fact, a belief isn't known to be true. It's a hope for the truth. We hold grudges because of what someone said when we were young. We store hurtful words and replay them in our minds until we think it to be true. And some of us believe a TV commercial and think we need a faster computer, a smarter phone, a stronger pill, a more relaxed-fit jean, etc. We think that certain things, thoughts, or actions make us who we are and sometimes we become addicted to those thoughts or behaviors and then become too afraid to let them go.

I write and post a lot therefore many people assume I have every self-published word memorized or that I live these shared thoughts constantly. This is not the case. My brain doesn't reference myself very well actually, and I'm sure I contradict myself every other day in one way or another. One day I feel like I have all the wisdom of the world and the next day my soul wears thin and I stutter just ordering ice cream.

And everything is fine.

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, to learn what we are capable of. These meanderings, rants, and blogs for instance, provide a great deal of comfort just sharing it, even though i put a part of myself on the line to be criticized or considered an ass.
Oh well, Courage is triumph of the soul is guess. and an Ass can still be of great service.

So Remember, You have the right to change your mind.

About anything.

Anytime.

This is not the ending.

P.S. – No doesn't mean forever. It simply means, "Not right now."

And on the topic of Not right now, whatever happened to you in the past is not happening now.

You will be safe behind your honest decisions and mood swings.

I promise.

Haven't Lost You Yet

2008-09-24T03:06:00.001+08:00

Do you remember
All the times we'd spent
Talking 'bout life and how
We couldn't believe it'd gone so fast

Do you remember
All the words we'd shared
Making promises
We thought would never last

Well, those times, they came by
Once in a while between the laughter and the smiles
And we said we couldn't wait
It was too late, we thought, to save what we had made
But, hey, have faith

Was it you
Was it me
Was it everyone around us but you and me
Till all the days are swept away
And all your memories of me have gone astray
Till you forget
I haven't lost you yet

If you could tell me
Had it been that long
Since we sang to that song
Or if we righted what was wrong

if you could look back
And not feel a thing
For the lives we'd intertwined
Around the ring

Then I guess the high, it went away
After a while, it didn't last the second trial
But did you know that I did want
You as the one, but it's okay, we had some fun
And here comes the sun

Was it you
Was it me
Was it everyone around us but you and me
Till all the days are swept away
And all your memories of me have gone astray
Till you forget
I haven't lost you yet

If you remember
Then I haven't lost you yet
© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2008

Maybe Missing You

2008-06-24T03:01:00.001+08:00

Well, I know I said that I was strong
And wouldn't miss you when you're gone
But I think it's time that I admit
I might have lied a little bit

And I know I said I wouldn't mind
If you left me for some time
No, I don't, no, I don't mind it
Well, maybe just a bit

But don't you worry, I'm a big girl
I'll be okay
No, don't you fret your pretty head
I'll find some way
I'll survive
I'll be fine
I just regret I didn't get
A chance to say
Please stay

I haven't been looking at your picture
Or staring at it all this while
I haven't been thinking of your laughter
Or imagining your smile

I swear

And I'm not saying that I miss you
I'm not saying that I'm sad
I'm not saying life is better
Baby, when you're back

But don't you worry, I'm a big girl
I'll be okay
No, don't you fret your pretty head
I'll find some way
I'll survive
I'll be fine
I just regret I didn't get
A chance to say
Please stay

© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2008

At Least We Amuse Ourselves

2008-06-03T19:44:00.000+08:00

A collection of quotes from the past few days. 8D It's just been growing and growing.

... It's actually so that I don't forget. :D

Iqa: *stares hard at card* ... Oh! You... make me so... shy...

Nanda: That Guns 'N Roses song! The - the... the GOOOOD one.
*time ends*
Nanda: Damn it. It was Heaven la!
Banun: Isn't that by LosLonelyBoys?
Nanda: No, no, it's Stairway To Heaven or something.
Banun: ... Isn't that Led Zeppelin?
Nanda: ....#@$!

Iqa: *suddenly glares at Banun* I SHOOT YOU.
Banun: ... WHAT? Oh, er. Anger. Hate. Gun?
Iqa: No, no, no, I want to put it in you.
Everyone pauses.
Iqa: Oh, god, that sounded wrong.

Ange: Oh! OH!! Kiwi birds are?
Azam and Iqa: EXTINCT!
Ange: *excitedly* YES!!
Banun: ... What?? Kiwi birds aren't extinct!
Ange: Yes, they ARE!
Nick: You mean Dodo birds?
Ange: Oh. CRAP!
Banun: How the hell did Iqa and Azam guess that?!

Nick: The moon revolves around the?
Aiman: SUN!

Nick: Hentai comes from? *stares encouragingly at Banun*
Banun: WHY DO YOU ASSUME I KNOW THIS? ... Japan.

Banun: Oh! Okay, okay. When you're dirty, you go home and?
Azam: Masturbate?

Azam: Okay, "blank" the dots!
Banun: Fill in?

Azam: Amy Winehouse!
Aiman: Is drunk!

Azam: Oh, okay, you know the kids' story thing. The rabbit and the?
Iqa and Banun: HARE!

Azam: Why are you speaking so much malay now?
Banun: I dunno, I like to talk like... babi.
Azam: You like to talk like babi??

Banun: No, it's okay.
Aiman: You sure?
Banun: *counting money* Yeah... 'sup?

Aiman: Oh, this is the PIT OF HELL. This is where people go to commit suicide. This is my primary school.

Banun: Oh my god! My shoes! But why are they patterned and ugly?
Aiman: It's not that bad... Try them on.
Banun: Oh, they're comfy... BUT THEY'RE SO FUCKING UGLY!

Azam: (about bag) SHOULD I BUY IT?
Banun: (about shoes) SHOULD I DYE IT?

Aiman: Hello? Can you open the doo-gate?

Aiman: My mom hates it when he jumps on the couch.
Azam: Oh, my cat used to be able to do that. *mutters under breath* That fatass.

Azam: I'm usually wrong. But I'm right!
Banun: How would you know if you're usually wrong?!
Azam: You need to get your ears wrong.
Banun: MY EARS WRONG?
Azam: CHECKED.

Azam: I know what I said, Banun.
Banun: No, you don't.

Banun: Howcome you didn't bring your laptop?
Iqa: Oh, I never bring it... up outh oph da... houtthah...
Banun: ? What the hell just happened to you?

Banun: If you could change your name, what it would it b-
Eka: Madonna.

Banun: He didn't even say sorry! Fuck him!
Ainessa: Who didn't say sorry?! Who should I fuck?!

One Love Undivided

2008-05-23T14:01:00.000+08:00

Kudos to the Malaysian entertainment scene for this. :) A worthwhile effort, a la All Stars Tribute - What's Going On which was made to help in the AIDS dilemma.

Malaysian Artists For Unity
Free downloads for everybody there, including the lyrics, ringtone, actual song, video, karaoke version, etc.

Here In My Home
Hold on, brother, hold on
The road is long, we're on stony ground
But I am strong, and you ain't heavy

Oh, there's a misspoken truth that lies
Colors don't bind, oh, no
What do they know?
They speak falsely

Here in my home
I'll tell you what it's all about
There's just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That's what it's all about
Please, won't you fall in one by one by one with me?

Fall in, fall in
Just fall in with me

Push back, sister, won't you push back?
Love won't wait, just keep pushing on
Yeah, I'm strong, you ain't heavy

Oh, don't you worry about that
What we have the shadows can't deny
Don't you know it's now or never?

Here in my home
I'll tell you what it's all about
There's just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That's what it's all about
Please won't you fall in one by one?

Years of fears and years of tribulation
The heart keeps searching for that endless devotion

Hand in hand we'll march like blood brothers
I speak for my people, hope we'll find peace forever

May the road ahead quench my thirst for success
May the road behind echo a song for the blessed

Yes, I feel it in my bones so I will let it be known
That no matter where I roam, this is home sweet home
Sing!

Here in my home
I'll tell you what it's all about
There's just one hope here in my heart
One love undivided
That's what's it's all about
Please won't you fall in one by one by one with me?

- Words & Music Pete Teo 2008 – All Rights Reserved

Fairytales

2008-03-15T13:44:00.000+08:00

I'm not a child, you're not a hero
I'm just living in a world of my own
My dreams are dreams and nothing more
But what if someday, they came true?
Just hear me out, I'll help you find
A hidden door to a world that's yours and mine
I'll help you write the happy ending
That you've been seeking all this time

I'll be your Cinderella story if you'll be my Charming fairytale
I will wait in the tower if you promise to come for me
But please don't make me wait
My hands are tied, it's up to you
Don't be afraid to say that you love me

Leave your bags, we don't need them
We're gonna take a ride around this town
Hurry now, I need your help
I won't be myself once it strikes twelve
Another day, another petal
You're all that I need to make this real

I'll be your Cinderella story if you'll be my Charming fairytale
I will wait in the tower if you promise to come for me
Don't make me wait
My lips are sealed, it's up to you
Don't be afraid to say that you love me
Cause I love you, too

I'll be your damsel in distress if you'll be my Hercules
I'll be your Sleeping Beauty if you'll be my reverie
I'll be your Scaramouche if you'll be my rhapsody
I'll be your unfortunate witch if you'll dance through life with me
I swear I'll let down my hair, I'll awake from my sleep for you
I will plant the golden tree, and we'll happily ever be.

© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2007

This Diva Needs Her Stage

2008-02-22T15:23:00.000+08:00

Baby, let's have fun.

First things first : A happy belated birthday to Iqa! You're legal now, love. ;) Enjoy yourself.

All this bumming is starting to take its toll on me. My body's not used to not doing anything for so long, and something's bubbling beneath the surface; an urge to get up off my idle ass and do something - dance, act, sing, whatever.

I need to get back into the swing of things, back when every day would be filled with non-stop rehearsing, peppered with five-minute breaks. I need to get myself back into shape as a dancer, back into my prime as an actor, and back into my vain attempts to sing; back into my performing ways.

Life is boring if I'm not performing.

Seriously.

You'd think that I'd love these few months with absolutely nothing to do - days full of lazing about and drowsiness. But I hate it. I hate not doing anything productive - I hate not putting what I know I can do to use.

But at least I've gained something from these days of timeless abyss. I can't live without being on stage, or on screen, or in front of a camera.

It's just so bloody dull.

What is life, but a play?
A play without a script to read.
What is the world, but a stage?
A stage on which I am the lead.

Things to do:

Go for auditions
Learn to sing well, which ultimately, requires me to

Get a vocal coach

Perform
... Go shopping :)

If anyone's got anything on auditions or anything I might be interested in, give me a call. You know my number. ;)

I Watch The Sun Crash Into The Sea

2008-02-17T05:37:00.000+08:00

This week's been a very tough week for me. Things have happened that have made me wake up a bit and realize that I had slowly been letting go of what I once held so close to me, amongst other things.

Contrary to popular belief, change is not good. Change forces you to keep changing yourself. Change is global warming. Change is the appearance of incurable diseases. Change is mutation. Change is cancer. When people say that change is good, it's an optimistic statement, created by mankind to assure itself that they are not destroying the world. But change is inevitable, and we just have to deal with it the best we can.

Sometimes things happen a bit too fast, and it takes a while for it to sink in. And sometimes it takes a while for you to realize that you've been doing something wrong - if you do realize it. And by the time you realize it, it might be too late to do something about it.

So if something's happened that's out of your control - something that has harshly slammed you back into the unforgiving hard ground of reality, what do you do? Well... what else is there to do? Pick yourself up, brush off the dirt, and take it as a lesson well learnt.

One sweet day.

Hey.

I miss you.

In Memoriam

2008-02-12T23:20:00.000+08:00

My oldest and most treasured friend.
I'm sorry for everything, I miss you, and
I love you. So much.
Rest in peace.

Maybe There's Still Hope

2008-02-07T10:55:00.000+08:00

Muslim Leaders Oppose Ban

Good on you, Ridzuan Wu! I salute you.

You see, this sort of open-minded-ness is exactly what we're pushing for.

Why is it that Singapore can have this mentality and not us?

Think about it.

Aside from that...

Gong Xi Fa Cai, my friends! A great and prosperous year to you all. :)

Superior Inferiority

2008-02-05T20:55:00.000+08:00

This came to my attention through Behind Corrective Lenses - Louis' blog.

Now, let me make this clear. I am Muslim. I am, at times, proud to be Malay, and proud to say that my religion is Islam. But it's shit like this that makes me wish that I was not born into this religion.

I'm thoroughly disgusted by these two arrogant idiots, and I'm sad to say that it is true that the government and various organizations will probably protect them even though they do crap like this. It's true that we get privileges and perks in this country because of our religion and our 'bumiputera' status, even though the government insists that we are all 'true Malaysians', no matter what race we are.

'We' - meaning, the government, since the people's voices are heard only within the country - take pride in the fact that each race lives in harmony with the other, and that 'together, we make Malaysia great'. That every religion is accepted here, because we're tolerant people. That we're a frontier for racial integration. That we, of all countries, can say that we know peace among races.

BULLSHIT.

There is integration, and perfect harmony among the races only in some places in this country, and I'm happy to say that although I grew up in that sort of environment, there are more who did not. The generation before mine is still racist, as much as they say that they are not. They have their own prejudices. My generation is peppered by those who want fairness, but we are still very much under the control of the generation before us - the generation that existed when Malaysia was very much a Malay land.

We have racism everywhere in this country, and we have religious arrogance spouting from every corner.

What glaring stupidity. How dare they think - no, believe - that they are superior just because they're Muslim?

It is true that, to quote Louis:
"They're going to get away with this because OUR country, OUR government is not going to care. But if anyone dared say anything about Islam, they're going to get into serious trouble."

Well, then. I'm Muslim, and I dare to speak up against this crap. It's people like YOU, Mahaguru58 and whoever else who thinks the same way, who give us a horrible name, and make Islam a religion to be feared, hated, and regarded as an intolerant religion.

Islam teaches you to be humble, to be tolerant. We are taught to be courteous, to help, and honor life, and to respect the creations of God. Are all humans not God's creation? Are we all not the same? Why is it that ninety-percent of Muslims believe that they are better than others who have different beliefs?

We're not the best of people. We're not the smartest, or the most talented, or even the nicest bunch of people. We're daft, living in dreams and believing that we are better than others, when in fact, our sickening need to prove that we are a superior religion and our unreasonable sensitivity when it comes to Islamic issues bring us lower than even the animistic beliefs of the early humans.

Almost every other religion would grit their teeth and bear it when we do it to them, but we make a huge deal out of it when we're being jabbed, even lightly.

I'm angry because Islam is quickly becoming one of the most misunderstood religions of the world. We do not condone fighting. We do not condone torture, or war, or slander, or hatred, or intolerance, and we sure as hell do not condone arrogance. And yet, we're gaining a solid reputation for resorting to violence, insults, and needless arguments due to radical followers and extremists.

Stop it.

Maybe I'm too open-minded to be a good Muslim, but the way I see it, most 'Muslims' are too closed-minded to be good people. How can you call yourselves devout Muslims?

Who are you to force Islam down people's throats and then whine like babies when they express discontent?

Who are you to twist the teachings of Islam to justify your own actions?

Who are you to spout such religious bigotry and claim that it is in the name of Islam?

Who are you to bring a bad name to Islam, the religion you so proudly claim to follow?

How DARE you insult Islam so?

And to the two who made the video:
In your sick attempt to show off your religious superiority, my brothers, you have shown that you are more Kafir than any non-Muslim.

A Young Quoter Celebrated

2008-02-04T00:31:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm breaking the rules of my semi-hiatus to wish Louie a happy happy birthday :) AND my mom - her birthday's on the fourth.

Happy seventeenth, Louis! Sorry for pissing you off to the max before we actually decided to surprise you. Hope you like the gift! Lotsalove.

Happy birthday, Mom! The strongest woman I know. I love you.

I won't go into details with what happened today, but. Let's just say it wasn't a very good day, but I'm glad I got to see Louis today. LIMPING, poor idiot. And he still insisted on walking home. STUBBORN idiot.

:) Now stop poking my flab.

When Beauty Tried Brains

2008-01-18T23:33:00.000+08:00

... And found out that they didn't have 'em in size zero.

Natasha Hudson : Professional Malaysian model who successfully broke into the acting industry. Not only did she have the looks, she apparently proved that she had the brains to match when she released two books of poetry, one a children's book in the Malay Language (Puisi Indah Si Pari-Pari) and the other, in English (My Heart, My Soul, My Passion).

The Star interviewed her here. I bumped into this issue here.

That's it for the background story. Now for the real deal.

While flipping through the starlet's childrens' book, a friend of blogger and English-teacher-in-training Jannah Raffali was outraged to find that a direct translation of Roger McGough's poem "Cake" was included in the collection of poems. The offending poem was titled "Kek Coklat".

Cake by Roger McGough

I wanted one life
You wanted another
We couldn't have our cake
So we ate each other

Kek Coklat by Natasha Hudson

Saya mahu satu kehidupan
Kamu mahu sesuatu yang lain
Kita tidak dapat makan kek coklat
Jadi kita makan sesama diri

Natasha's response and attempt to defend herself against the accusations, however questionable when it comes to grammar and punctuation, can be found here.

Aisehman. This is where Pn. Siti should come and reprimand her. But seriously.

There's more.

Sharon Bakar, of the blog Bibliobibuli (damn, that's a mouthful) got wind of the story and the news spread. Her post spawned a comments thread, leading to a debate on the issue.

So much for Natasha's claim that she had written the poems many years ago, and that they were very close to her heart or whatever.

“Even though the poems were written many years ago, it was only recently that I decided to approach a publisher after encouragement from my family and friends,” said Natasha adding that she planned to donate some proceeds from the selling of her books to the Malaysian Children Aid Society.

“It wasn’t easy to share my personal collection of poems with the public. It took a lot of courage to share a part of me in this book. It has many memories, personal experiences, dilemmas, sadness and hope.”

It was soon discovered that there were two other poems that were almost identical to their English counterparts.

The Little Turtle by Vachel Lindsay
There was a little turtle.
He lived in a box.
He swam in a puddle.
He climbed on the rocks.

He snapped at a mosquito.
He snapped at a flea.
He snapped at a minnow.
And he snapped at me.

He caught the mosquito.
He caught the flea.
He caught the minnow.
But he didn't catch me.

Si Kura-Kura Kecil by Natasha Hudson
Ada seekor kura2 kecil
tinggal di dalam kotak
berenang di tepi tasik
memanjat di atas batu

dia cuba menggigit nyamuk
dia cuba mengigit kutu
dia cuba menggigit berudu
dia cuba menggigit aku

dia berjaya menangkap nyamuk
dia berjaya menangkap kutu
dia berjaya menangkap berudu
tetapi dia tidak berjaya menangkap aku

---------------------------------------------------------------

Things We Like to Eat by Mary Ann Hoberman
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick,
Say it quick.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread
Spread it thicker,
Say it quicker.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread
Now repeat it,
While you eat it.

Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread
Don’t talk
With your mouth full!

Mentega kuning, jelly ungu, jam merah, roti hitam by Natasha Hudson
Mentega kuning, jelly ungu, jam merah, roti hitam
ratakan tebal
katakan cepat

ratakan tebal
katakan cepat

sekarang ulang
sambil kamu makan

sekarang ulang
sambil kamu makan

janganlah bercakap
bila mulut kamu penuh

The story's been picked up by other outraged bloggers as well, such as yours truly, Da Cookie and AFineBalance.

I, as a writer, am pretty riled up about this. Plagiarism is a serious offense and an act of utter disrespect to the writing community. The government's coming down pretty hard on piracy, but does it mean that plagiarism will soon rise? I somehow don't see the logic to that. Ms. Hudson, did you really think that no one would find out? And quite honestly, instead of justifying yourself with what I'm sure you regard as logic, you might as well just own up and save what's left of your dignity. There have been too many coincidences for it to be unintentional.

I'm pretty damn sure that plagiarism includes translating into another language without citing the original author.

Eejut.

If this post wasn't already so long, I'd rant on, but it is, so I'll just leave it with:

Go back to preschool.

Biznatch.

Bona Feste!

2007-12-31T11:39:00.000+08:00

Buon giorno, my friends!

I apologize for the extremely long gap between my previous post and this one. It's been difficult to gain internet access in London. :)

Firstly - CHERRY BELATED MISTMAS, erry'one! Right, so. I left on the 21st for Heathrow and landed in London at about five in the evening-ish. Two days ago, we headed for Stansted Airport to catch a flight to Pisa. Italy is beautiful! Gorgeousgorgeousgorgeous. The weather is amazingly crisp and clear, and the people are nice, and the architecture is stunning.

...
...
...

Okay, I have to go. O_O

I planned on writing a long post to update everyone (who reads, which would be... no one. ... Sad.) but Iqa's parents have just come to call on us - t'is apparently time to visit the Duomo. So just a quick one before I go. I shall update... soon! Promise.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

2007 was a great year, and I'm sad to see it go. But let's make '08 even better, eh? But that's all for another post. Arrivederci!
'Til next time.

The Minstrel And The Stranger

2007-12-12T23:47:00.000+08:00

Congratulations, Alia and Sean, our Prom King and Queen. :) Sean, you looked amazing. And Alia, as always, you were drop-dead gorgeous. Damn you.

Good work, Prom Committee. You guys know who you are. The place was amazing, and we had fun. =) I stole a lot of cupcakes. And I'm not sorry.

Heheh.

An anecdote:

Hui Shuen: "And as tradition dictates, the Prom Queen will dance with our male emcee for the night, and the Prom King with our female emcee."

Amish's attempt to send a seductive look in Alia's direction is ignored.

Alia: (gesturing frantically at Sean and waving her arms) "WHAT?! NO! I want this one!"

Eeheheheh. Gotta love that girl.

So, the day started off with every intention of proving Murphy's Law.

Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way.

Our plan to sleep over at Shangri-La was in ruins, and I was pretty moody, having no date and no transport home. I had a white dress ready, the accessories waiting for me, my hair planned, and my nails anticipating a French manicure. The concept was "angelic" (HALT YER LAUGHIN', BIZNATCHES!). However, unforeseen circumstances led to me flying down the stairs and panicking because I could not wear that dress.

My sister is a genius.

In the space of four hours, she managed to cook up an entirely new outfit and get me ready for prom with a silvery manicure-pedicure, curly locks, brilliant shoes, matching bagbraceletandnecklace, and a white shawl. The concept changed from "angelic" to "holy-crap-I'm-blind!", otherwise known as "shining star". I swear, that woman should be a professional personal stylist. Except I don't want to give her up. I love her <3

Either way, Azam and Iqa showed up, looking stunning in black, and we left my place at about six-ish. Big mistake. The going was smooth until we reached City Hall, where traffic just STUCK. Esh. We were in the car for an hour and a half, and when we finally reached KL Tower, we stumbled out and thanked Kak Stee before proceeding up the steps. When we stepped out of the elevator, we were greeted with very well-dressed seventeen year-olds. Kris, looking stunning in her yellow dress, greeted me and handed me my ticket.

Our emcees were funny, even if Amish was a bit harsh at times. My 479 rocked the stage, throwing in some songs that were unexpected (She Wants To Move, Lovestoned), and pulling them off pretty well.

And the title of this post is all I will say about what happened the rest of the night.

Either way, the prom was a lot more fun than I expected.

Thanks to the one who had the first dance with me, and the one who had the last. :)

Mm, cupcakes.

One Month And A Day

2007-12-04T08:38:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to Lwiz! He's finally done with SPM. May you be tempted by outings and chocolate forevermore.

Well. It's 8:41 in the morning, and I have no bloody idea what the hell I'm doing awake. Five and a half hours and I couldn't sleep anymore. Insomnia to a new level, I think. Mei's sleeping peacefully - lucky biznatch. Grr. Anyway.

To everyone involved in yesterday's surprise dinner. :) I truly did not expect anything of the sort and I had the shock of my life (and a warm fuzzy feeling inside me - though that may have been the chocolate). Thank you, and I love you.

Let's start at the beginning. Well - almost the beginning. At about 3.46, Louis texted me with a simple, but effective "I'm done :)" and I sped off to the Cempaka Damansara compound to pick him up. As we approached the front gate, Iqa called me, laughing, to tell me that she was behind me. =/ I don't know why she couldn't wait till she was out of the car, but it was rather funny. (Stalkers!) We hugged Louis and immediately got carted off to Ikano by Kak Stee to look for a box for my dad. Go figure. Once there, she hurried off to Ikea and the hardware store while the three of us amused ourselves by walking around, getting Starbs and Famous Amos, and giggling like idiots over t-shirts-for-dogs.

When we got back to my place, we gravitated towards the TV and belasah-ed the Chilli's I'd ordered earlier for us before attacking Guitar Hero III and its funny funny characters. 8D Spike-man and the tilting head-bang. Crazy. But the best part came when we switched to Mortal Kombat : Shaolin Monks. DAYUMN, we suck at that game! But it was intensely fun, with Iqa's insane laughter and Louis' random squawking and my screaming at the TV. We managed to get past - what - two levels? Two levels before my sister and her friend, Sheha, came downstairs and told us that we were leaving for dinner.

In the car on the way there - I noticed my sister was texting Aimran for some weird reason, but, being the nice person that I am, I didn't read what she was typing and Iqa'n'Louis somehow pushed the thought from my head. Went to OU, and we were walking to Delicious when, suddenly, in front of the restaurant, my sister stopped abruptly and told me to look "there". I frowned and looked to my right, and the first thing I saw? A bunch of hooligans leaning against a trembling railing on the second floor of One Utama, grinning their asses off at me and waving enthusiastically.

"SURPRISE!"

I blinked. No kidding. I was completely confused. I thought it was a surprise for Louis, at first, and I grinned at him, like "Hey, post-SPM thing!" but then they started singing Happy Birthday.

"... For me?"

"Yeah!"

"... But my birthday was... last month..." o_O

After the initial confusion wore off, I couldn't stop smiling. The whole lot of them were there (except Alia. And Jas, but she's forgiven - she's in Bangkok) and as they sang their rendition of Happy Birthday, not caring about the fact that half of the building could hear them, I was scanning the sea of faces, smiling to myself. I have great friends.

And then there was the dinner. HANAAA!! Your DS rocks. T__T

And a few more people showed up, including Putri Balqis. O_O She wasn't there for the dinner, but she was in the area and dropped by to wish me and hug me. I hadn't seen her in years! But yeah - after a few years of (unsuccessful) surprise parties/lunches/dinners, this one managed to catch me completely off-guard. So, to...

Aimran, Aiman, Louis, Azam, Yeng, Suff, Loong, Hazim, Nick, Kevin, Razlan, Iqa, Hana, Fluffy, Sze, Vivi, Li-Wei, Tash, Athira, Katania, Myke, Nab, Mei, Farah Zuleika, Riza, Sheha, and Kak Stee:

Thank you, again. Everyone in the same place and irritating the crap out of the poor waiters/waitresses?

Best birthday present ever. :)

Anyway. Mei's fidgeting in her sleep. I think I'm typing too loud. Till next time - Turrah!

No subject

2007-11-30T20:40:00.000+08:00

A happy (belated) birthday to a girl who can charm you right out of your socks in a second - my best friend of five years : Alia Aishah. Sweet seventeen, Alia. To the years of friendship that have passed, and the ones to come - May you forever terrorize me and remind me of my old hair days.

A happy early birthday to my sister, Rakhma - may you continue to enjoy Friends and random comedy movies for eras to come.

Oh, and welcome back to Malaysia, Vivi!

I find that I avoid home as much as possible now. I've been going out at least once every day - regardless of transport problems and the like.

SOMEONE THROW A PARTY ALREADY.

Don't go to Banquet. It's not worth the money. Weird tapai-rice-pasta-risotto with old-cheese-vinegar-ish sauce thing that cost me thirty bucks. Bloody'ell. I haven't tried the dessert, though. Yesterday, after lunch with Alia and Iqa, we headed over to Delicious, already salivating and anticipating the Chocolate Sundae, but alas! They were out of chocolate. Say it with me, people : Whuhduhfuh. How do you run out of chocolate? No self-respecting food establishment would allow their store of chocolate to run out! It would offend their chocaholic customers - such as Iqa and myself. Alia was fine, with her gummi-bear cupcakes. Oddball.

Seems like we've been having bad luck with food lately. Ee-kay-ah was out of meatballs. And again: Whuhduhfuh. Seems like we've been having bad luck with food lately. Either way, spent the day with a good friend, enjoying the nice weather and relaxed atmosphere and getting reacquainted. It really was a wonderful day to be out, so we decided to skip the movie and walk around. I don't think I've had such a calm day out before. Which is good, cause I'm gonna have to endure four bloody hours in a dark red kebaya tomorrow, handing out bunga telur and muffins (Yes, muffins. At a traditional Malay wedding. Weird much?) and being surrounded by people I don't even know.

Reptilia is a **** to play on Hard without the guitar controller.

Note to self: Show parents plan for room redecoration ay-sap.

And lastly, just to put this out to someone and to let the universe hear it: Hang in there, love. I'm here for you, and I'll see you sooner than you think.

It's Time We Started Doing What We Always Wanted - A tribute to my stardust

2007-11-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

SPM is over.

There are absolutely no words to describe the feeling of putting down your pen, having dotted down the last full-stop on the provided SPM paper - the exhilaration when the head examiner dismisses you and you leap up from your chair into the arms of another relieved, beaming friend. It's indescribable, the dawning comprehension that you suddenly have nothing to do - that you have a stretch of free time ahead of you, and that that day, and not the day you graduated, was really the last day to see the people you had grown up with and survived the perils of high school with.

It's stunning, really. It leaves you sort of speechless, with a dumbfounded smile on your face. There are so many thoughts running through your head that it's impossible to voice out what you think. So what do you do once you're done with high school and The Big Exam?

We went for a manicure! Oh, so pretty. Mm, mm. And then dinner at the Curve with a few people (Louis, Nick, Kevin, Aiman, Azam, Beebs, Evana, Sheng, Sen, Yeng, Razlan) and watched a movie. Oh, Stardust. How you tickle my funny bone, with your amusing swordfights and lovable pirate captains. Robert DeNiro is made of complete awesome. Slept over Jas', and went to Pavilion. Pavilion, how I adore you. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

It's overwhelming - for ages, we've been vowing the 'we'll-do-it-after-SPM' vow. Now that it is 'after-SPM', there's just so much to do! And yet, there's so much to do that there's absolutely nothing. Where and how do you even begin to pick up your life, or, more accurately, to jumpstart your new life and get the new 'you' out into the world?

With your friends, of course. Because who you spend those last days with are the people who got you through. You depended on each other to get through the trials of SPM, supporting each other when the other was down, and, let's face it, you got through it together.

No matter where we are
Lets get through it all and look back and smile
And let that silence fall for a while
And look down and touch that ring
Knowing the other two are doing the exact same thing.

We'll Get Through This Laughing

2007-11-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

Okay. So.

ONE more paper.

HOLY RUMINANT!

The non-Muslims had their Moral paper today. Hope it went well. Poor Myke was saying how he couldn't care less - after all, a few of them officially finish their SPM today. Lucky buggers. But it's alriiiiiight, cause I'd rather end with the majority. PLUS! En. Hermi's gonna be there to take pictures of us LEAPING out of the hall, screaming our asses off and tossing our papers into the air. And I'm getting the house keys and gate control after SPM, following my insane three-day stint, which encompasses the following:

Monday: Mani-pedi, Dinner, Late Night Movie , Sleepover at Jas', Wii-playing ;; Jas, Mei, Azam, Eunice, Aiman.
Tuesday: Pavilion, Pavilion, Pavilion, Sleepover at my place, Guitar-Hero-ing, Friends-ing, Grey's-ing ;; Jas, Mei, Azam, Eunice, Zainal a.k.a Shah
Wednesday: Rock-climbing, Batting Cages, Sleepover at Mei's, Board/Card/Gambling (?) Games, Night Time Swimming, Letter-opening ;; Mei, Jas, Kamal, Azam

In the words of Jason Mraz : "La-la-la-la-la-la-la-Life is wonderful!"

Anyway. So, yes, the non-Muslims had their Moral paper today. Ange/Mei/Kate came over and we headed off to Bangsar Village to study and relax. We ended up spending the entire day there, studying (seriously), overdosing on coffee, walking around, checking out HAMMAM ( insert wistful sigh here ) and finally just sitting down and talking at Starbucks. We freaked out after realizing that we had one weekend, and... that's it.

On another note, ZBAVIT shirts will FINALLY be ordered next week. FINALLY. GOD! It's astounding how difficult it is to find a good silk-screening or t-shirt-printing place in Malaysia. Eejuts. Rock Band will be released for the PS2 on the 17th of December. Bloody 'ell. The price of PS3s will go down by a bit after New Year's. Apple is opening the iPod Touch and iPhone to third-party applications - hello, games!

And finally, ending this post with a shoutout, some pictures, and a meme from Iqa's blog.

Wish us luck for the Sandra Struggle! To all Science students who end on Monday: We've survived the Pancha Ordeal and the Wong Trials - we can sure as hell get through the Sandra Struggle. All the best!

The Muslim students had Agama on Monday. And after that a whole bunch of us went to Secret Recipe (Me, Roy, Iqa, Alia, Irina, Raz, Nab, Aimran, Eka, Zaim, Ashraf, Hazim, E.D, Naim) and Tania joined us there. While waiting for Kak Stee, we decided to stop by a spot that we used to frequent as young ZBAVITans, every alternate Friday - when Fridays used to end at 12.15, anyway - the playground! Memories.

Your Birthdate: November 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.
You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.
Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.
Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive.

Your strength: Your universal compassion

Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings

Your power color: Mauve

Your power symbol: Butterfly

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

"Hard for me to close my heart?" Hmmn. That's rather ironic. And what the hell is 'Mauve'? Meh.

Cablecar (We Were Friends)

2007-11-22T03:01:00.000+08:00

There's a picture hanging on the wall
A cruel reminder of what has come to fall
You left at ten, I feel now that it's four
Clock's turned back to times and times ago
Not a cloud in sight, but a storm's aglow
I heard you stopped by, I was there
I never heard you come and go

We're in a cable car
We're faltering, we're falling
I turn and see you walking away
Although we'd come so far
One twitch, the lights are failing
You're here but there's no feeling,
I miss you

The cards are dealt, the timer's on
The money's down but the player's gone
A breeze blows by, it shivers me
It passes by and leaves me be
Don't you wonder when the skies'll fall?
When the stars will fade, when judgment calls?
The board is tipped, it's strewn about
I'm on my own from now on out

We're in a cable car
We're faltering, we're falling
I turn and see you walking away
Although we'd come so far
One twitch, the lights are failing
You're here but there's no feeling,
I miss you

We're in a cable car
I'm faltering, I'm falling
You turn but now I'm walking away
I know we've come so far, but
A jerk and now I'm slipping
Too late, your arms are stretching
I...
© NurBanun Atina Idris, 2007

Class of '07 - Amicitia Pro Vita

2007-11-02T23:32:00.000+08:00

Class of '07 - Friends For Life.

Where 5 Science 2 of '07 spent their last days

Yes, I know I'm not supposed to be posting until after the biggest-exam-of-my-life-so-far, but today was our official Graduation - it warrants a post, dunnit? It doesn't matter if you say no. You're wrong. :)

Let's start with the first of November - our second-last day of school, which ended up being a complete Rule-Break Day. The prefects switched to their old school uniforms, and they were all unbelievably excited to don the watermelon-ish blazers and short-sleeved shirts. Of course, a few of us managed to get our hands on their uniform and decided to have some fun.

And today was the day. Testimonial day.

And yet, somehow, I still don't think it's over. I was sad during Kai Sheng's wonderful speech, definitely, but throughout the entire day, I was somewhat devoid of emotion. The day was filled with cameras, videos, and hasty scribbling into about a million autograph books, and yet somehow, although I took part in the festivities/frivolities, I felt somewhat detached. Like it wasn't really happening. It hasn't hit me, yet. It will. I hope. But by that time, it'll be too late.

I'd almost forgotten that it was my birthday until the morning, when my sister wished me a Happy Birthday, and I... well, remembered. It didn't feel like a birthday. It didn't feel like graduation day, either. It just felt like... a Friday. The mashed potatoes were a hit, and I was pleasantly surprised when a cake was brought out for me. Of course, God just had to toy with me and so he sent down amazingly painful muscle cramps to both my calves, and I ended up howling on the floor of the corridor, as well as yelling in pain in the canteen amidst curious juniors.

Angeline cried.

I tried to race towards her but my cramp held me back and I ended up sort of... clambering past the canteen benches and tables towards her. Jas almost cried, I think - she teared a bit. But she held it in because of my stony face.

The veteran photoshoot was... amazing. It was a gathering of the loyal Cempakans - the ones who had stayed with the school from the very beginning, and had the patience and endurance to stay until the end. We leaped, we leaned, we laughed. We laughed a lot. And Myke - poor guy, I think I broke his back - lifted me into the air and we took a picture like that :

Michael and Banun. The tallest and (one of the two people who are the) shortest in the form. Best of friends. Ironic, eh?

I didn't take many pictures. Surprising. I'd expected to completely wear out my camera. But no - I didn't feel it today. For some reason. Angeline and Iqa dedicated about an hour while hanging around my house after school, trying to break through to me, but for some reason, it didn't work. I feel sad right now - I mean, of course it affects me - but just not... sad sad. It'll happen. It will.

Angeline left early, though I managed to delay her departure for about half an hour. Alia called, and about an hour later, she showed up at my doorstep, Starbucks and BigPaperBagWithPresent in hand. Once Iqa left, we spent the night just being us; dancing our asses off to songs, singing at our loudest with make-believe microphones, and finally, settling down on my bed with a good supply of softer, slower songs and just... talking.

.... I don't even have enough of the emotional mood to write this post properly. Until the mood strikes, then (in which case I will write a full, lengthy post that will satisfy your need for an emotionally unstable graduated teenage girl).

I'll miss you all. We were the most talented, most sporty, most troublemaking, most fun, and the best batch ever. Good luck, everyone, for the upcoming exams, and in whatever you plan to do in the future. Keep in touch, and take care.

Love.

On Hiatus...

2007-10-28T13:13:00.000+08:00

Until After SPM

D:
Wish me luck.

Blindfolded with the target painted on

2007-10-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

Hello.
Yes, I know that my blog has rolled over and fallen into a deep deep sleep since my last post, but with SPM in about two weeks, I've got a lot of things to worry about - Add. Maths, for one. History, for another, and everything else in between.

It's overwhelming, really, to think that a few pieces of printed paper and an ugly little slip of faxed paper can determine the beginning of the rest of your life. To think that in only a few days, you can be determining whether you'd be on the way to your dream, or crashing and burning halfway through. They say that SPM - that school is only the beginning.

I disagree.

School is where we spend most of our lives - around the people we grew up with, the surroundings that we're familiar with. SPM is not our first trial, it's just one of the many - Besides, if SPM is our first major hurdle, then I stressed over PMR for absolutely nothing.

There's a lot on my mind, but I won't type them out here for fear of getting distracted from the demonic History book calling from my desk. But there is. A lot on my mind, I mean. But I won't worry about that - not yet. I won't agonize over the loss of my high school routine - one I've gotten used to doing for the past ten years - and over the abrupt absence of my friends, the people who make up the biggest and most important part in my life. Shut up, Banun.

On a more cheerful note...

Angeline can drive! XD It's pretty jakun of me, I admit, but it was pretty awesome to have someone your age be properly licensed to drive me home. Cough. Joke. Either way, she drove Jas and I home last Tuesday, and drove home herself for the first time. We suspect that her sister had cunningly planned it so that she had to drive home alone, but I suppose she didn't count on her loyal bimbos by her side. :D

EST Seminar on Friday - last bus ride to Cheras for us normal students and second-last for the prefects (Leadership Night's on Tuesday). Woke up and dragged myself to school for triple Chemistry only to find that Mr. Wong had decided not to show up. Five freakin' periods of absolute nothingness. The bus ride to Cheras was relatively uneventful, and while waiting for the seminar to start, Sze, Tania, Angeline, and I hung out on the bleachers by the pool, flipping through textbooks while Sze attempted to enlighten me on the subject of Differentiation. Guh. I found myself in the IT Centre for the seminar, seated in between Sze and Angeline, and playing that 'write-one-word-and-pass-it-on' game with them and E.D. Needless to say, the utmost randomosity appeared on that piece of paper. Yadayadayada, reached Damansara at five, Ange dropped me off, got home, and crashed.

Saturday - Lunch @ BSC with Kak Stee - Ran into Fie! She said she was going for Zainul's, and urged me to go but... well. Whattodo? Raided MPH for stationary stuff, and headed back for a study group with Hana and Fluffy. God, I missed them. I hadn't seen Fluffy in almost a year, and I'd forgotten how much fun we used to have, the three of us. Our brains were totally keeled by five hours of poring through Add. Maths questions, so I abandoned my attempt at teaching them Chem and just lazed about brainlessly for a while. I started on my Letterisms that night. I've got to get envelopes. Someone remind me. Surprisingly, no tears were shed, and it wasn't an overwhelming amount of sadness that I felt. Maybe I'm saving them all for Friday - but then again, maybe not.

And so the last week commences.

Note to self: Camwhore. Like mad.
... Oh, and make sure your hair looks nice.

A Penny For Your Anecdotes - a meaningless post

2007-10-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

... for the sake of updating. :)

First, to address the TV shows: Grey's Anatomy is total win, I say. =) And Milo Ventimiglia is tres shmexy in the second season of Heroes (which is way too predictable for my liking, by the way). Betty totally lost weight in Ugly Betty, a show that has managed to retain its quirky sense of humor and get me laughing my non-existent butt off.

Now that that's done with...

Thank you, Azzumfazzum for the cookies. They're scrumptious, and you're amazing for even considering making me some.

Katania, Aiman, and Eekers came over on Saturday for a History/Physics study group. I ended up abandoning History (my least favourite subject at the moment) in favour of Biology, Physics, and Additional Mathematics. Tania had this amazingly cute soft toy-turtle that I thought was an alien at first. It was ADORABLE! *twitchtwitchspaz*

From left to right: Tania, Kamal, Mewithcutetoy, Iqa

And, after Katania left, not long after Aiman's departure, Iqa and I... well, we did what we do best.

We went nuts. xD

I almost got into huge trouble with my mom. Brought her camera to school to snap some photos, got home, took out the camera to show my sister, and when I looked for the cover, it was gone. Shock and horror! I made my sister drive me all the way back to school, journeyed to the depths of the Science Laboratories, Sports Office, Staff Room, and lastly, the Office, but no luck. More than a little panicked, I started making calls to various people, asking if they'd taken the black Nikon leather case my accident - no such luck.

As a last resort, I dropped by BSC after school today with Angeline and purchased a Nikon leather case - one that looked absolutely nothing like my mother's, mind you - and prayed to God that she wouldn't notice.

A few hours later, I was sleeping in Kak Stee's room when my mom stormed in, looking all sorts of furious. "WHERE IS MY COVER? THIS IS NOT MY COVER!" yells she. I look up groggily just in time to see her fling the newly-purchased leather case across the room, where it skids off the bed and falls down the other side, in the little crevice between the wall and the bed. Crap. This is where God intervenes with some sort of deus-ex-machina... thing.

"I - uh - Oh, that's my friend's cover. I think I tersalah cover."

"WELL, GET MINE BACK!"

Doorslam.

Ever the lady, my mother. Sighing, and wondering how much it would cost for me to buy a plane ticket to Prague, I reach over the edge of the bed and slip my arm down the little space to try and get the new cover back - and something else catches my eye. Something black, made of leather, and branded with the word NIKON.

Bloody hell.

I wasted forty-nine bucks and got screamed at for no reason.

Awesome.

On a happier (and absolutely hilarious) note, FUNNY JAPANESE VIDEOS!

Thank Angeline for initiating these - she passed on a video called "Human Tetris" and today, we decided to go further and watch "Human Tetris II", "Human Tetris III"and an absolutely priceless video that thoroughly slaughtered our funny bones - "Wacky Olympics".

That last one starts off a bit slowly, but HILARITY ENSUES when they are faced with their third challenge.

Oh, I also found out that I'd set my MSN to keep track of all my conversations, so I managed to dig up a LOT of really random, funny stuff.

Like I said - this is purely for the sake of updating.

And nothing much else really matters at all

2007-10-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

Cue rambling. Long post. I put the 'Cheered-me-up' part under a cut so that you can... choose whether to read it or not. I ramble, I know.

So, today was a pretty (un)eventful day. I woke up with an intense feeling of utter blah and spaced out during the Chemistry Paper, resulting in me making loads of careless mistakes. That'll drop my mark down from a seventy, I bet. Joy. Mrs. Gale was a no-show today, so we had two hours of free lessons, the first half hour of which my class spent being rowdy - I actually walked outside and stood outside because I couldn't stand the noise (it made my head throb), although it was nowhere near our usual loudness. But then again, I usually contribute to our usual loudness, so whatever.

Either way, I was enjoying the cool breeze outside the Bio lab, listening with half-hearted amusement as Mr. Pancha enthused about something on the phone outside the Physics lab. The Nicks walked out of class, gave me weird looks respectively, and walked back in, allowing me to be-weird in peace. And then this black-blazer-ed femme pushed the door open and just looked at me like I was crazy. Which I probably was, but still. She pointed out bluntly that I was being very un-me and stood outside with me for a while as I defiantly... zoned out. Though it wasn't long until I agreed to go in with her.

So there I was, joining in the conversation and making lame-ass jokes as usual to prove that I was 'okay' while Jas' usually-contagious laugh penetrated my thoughts at irregular intervals, and by just being there, flanked by the two maniacs who insisted upon me being the root of insanity and evil, I felt a bit better. I smiled, at least. Abaden, after a while, their antics managed to coax me out of my blues and the definitive moment was the cold-blooded distortion of the word "Malleability", where I finally laughed like I hadn't laughed in a long time. They managed to make me forget about, well... time.

Poor Mrs. Lee - her subject was when we used our innovative ways to amuse ourselves and alter a broken key-chain into a game of patience and silent laughter (damn, our hands are shaky). And! We made a makeshift 8-Ball of sorts - with a green highlighter. A glimpse:

Angeline: Ooh!, I know, I know!
Azam: What?
Angeline: Who's gonna be a model?
Me: Seriously? Okay, spin!
Angeline: *spins highlighter, which swivels obediently to point at...*
All: MRS. LEE!

And so, we discovered that Mrs. Lee is destined to be an infamous pop-star-cum-model, the first one of us to get married (Geheh, fo' srs?), along with the fact that not only will I get a scholarship to ISKL (shyeah, wishful thinking), I will be the last of my class to lose my virginity - and the highlighter soon proclaimed that I will never lose my virginity - and somehow, at the same time, have had sex with Azam. Oh, and I'll be a stripper. =/

Go figure.

Angeline will be the first of us to lose all of her hair, gain the most weight, and yet somehow manage to be the most attractive. Azam will be a fat (or phat?) attractive man who gets his dream job. Jasmine is the most bimbotic and most likely to become bisexual. What a twisted, twisted highlighter, eh? Although I suppose what got me in an even better mood was when, surrounded by the five of us (Me, Angeline, Azam, Jas, and Eunice), the highlighter was ordered to tell us who would still keep in touch and be close after SPM.

We each spun it:

Me: Angeline
Angeline: Me
Eunice: Azam
Azam: Me
Jas: Me

Awh. Don't I feel popular? Kidding. It's nice to know the highlighter thinks we'll all keep in touch. :)

And lastly, while with Angeline and Azam after school, I wrenched open the door of a classroom, which collided with Azam's foot, and then my head, which then slammed into the doorframe. Ow. My head was seriously swimming and everything was super-bright as my knees gave way and I stumbled backwards and then onto Ange, with Azam chanting his apologies as he helped me sit down. Daymn, that hurt. Either way, that was my way of explaining my brainlessness and inability to figure out when I should have stopped typing. I just realized how long this is. Oh, well. Something for you to read to pass the time until it's time to buka, right?

Hey, Kate.

Thanks.

The early signs of a misanthropic mood

2007-10-04T00:07:00.000+08:00

Hello, dear non-existent readers.

Maybe you're close to me, maybe you're not. But either way, I seem to have a reputation for always being a cheerful, bubbly sort of person. I suppose I am - but the misanthropic mist has been slowly suffocating me these past few days, and that mood that hits me every once in a while has... well, hit me. Meet me à la antisocial.

Sometimes, we make mistakes.

Sometimes, things go wrong.

And sometimes, we take too long to fix it and it turns into an ugly scar.

And sometimes, sometimes...

People really suck.

I know I must sound entirely cynical at the moment, but I assure you, I don't mean everyone. Don't you feel repelled by the presence of others, sometimes? An urge for solitude, to be with yourself? Some time away from the world?

No?

Well. I get that. Once in a blue moon, but I do get it. And usually, these moods are easily overcome by giving the happier me a little push to the surface, but, when it gets a tad extreme, there are only a varying, select few who can approach me without getting their heads bitten off or receiving an unnerving silence from my end. You know, I have no idea what I'm saying. My fingers are sort of typing of their own accord. Excuse me if this post is a little ramble-y or nonsensical. Well, the former more than the latter because... since when have I made sense? I'd ramble on about my thoughts, but... they're too jumbled up for me to even begin sorting them out. This mood is the result of a mass of undifferentiated cells - eh, I mean - mass of tangled emotions, varying from one extreme to another, and a whole bunch of unresolved issues in my head.

Is this what going crazy feels like?

Because if it is, I must have gone insane a long time ago. Maybe I'm in some hospital right now, trapped in a straitjacket, locked in a padded room, and envisioning these things in my head. Heheh. That'd be a welcome vacation.

I suppose this is sort of a notice, in a way, that I may be a bit off for a while. Hopefully, I'll snap out of this soon, and post something that's on a happier note.

And an advanced apology, if I somehow hurt your feelings or hurt you physically for the next few days.

The red sun dawns on a bellicose day

2007-10-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

In the hopes that the fingers of this blog will reach Melbourne, wherein lies my ever-so-artistic friend of seventeen...

Happy birthday, Vivi! May your seventeenth year on Earth be blessed with chocolates, cheesecake, cookies, and other yummy stuff that you can share with me. We love you.

Decided to make use of the time before breaking fast and managed to produce a design I'm still unsure about. I have it in about 8 different colors - they're all monochromatic, so. For the shirt. Click the thumbnail!

Today was... not really very eventful. In the literal sense of the word. There were no accidents, raging fires, or any other sort of disaster (Alhamdulillah / Thank God). And yet... the atmosphere of the widely Form Five-populated, laboratory-ridden corridor of Sri Cempaka is thick with... something. It's not really very noticeable, but it is there. It's a sort of invisible cloud that clings onto you as you enter the lab, Biology books and worn pencil box in hand, and head for your seat. The kind that covers you a little more every time you turn to grin or laugh or joke about something to your friend - who would usually partake in some good-natured conversation - only to be answered with a tired or blank look, or, worse yet, ignored completely.

A month left and we're struggling to stay afloat.

There seems to be this sort of unspoken tension between friends. I mean - out of class and in between, we still enjoy each other's company, but, like it or not, there is a bunch of little beasts hovering beneath the serene surface, just waiting to leap out and gnash their sharp little teeth. Piranhas perhaps? Either way. It bothers me. We're all completely moody now, going from one extreme to another in less than a click. We're all shouldering a huge academic burden along with the problems of our social lives, and although we may (attempt to) hide it, it does show a bit.

We're under a lot of stress, and some of us may crack under the pressure. And it puts a lot of strain onto certain friendships and/or relationships. Friends who'd never argued before find themselves snapping at each other over the most mediocre things. You suddenly feel as if they're 'putting up' with you. And although we know that our good friends are there for us, any time we need to talk, we do feel a particular drive to do this by ourselves, to prove that we can deal with things on our own. To prove that we are capable of coping, and that we're independent. Because if they don't need us to do this, we don't need them either.

Right?

Oh, but we do.

I don't know. I don't think I even want to. Let's just hurry up and get this whole thing over with so things can get back to a pace that we're all used to. But I somehow don't think that it will.

Two posts in two days. So far so good.

I miss you.

Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway

2007-09-30T22:42:00.001+08:00

This is it - a blog. Again. I've had several over the course of my years in high school, inevitably procrastinating on posts and resulting in the abandoning of aforementioned blogs... But with the antepenultimate year of my high school life, and the Parthian year as a Cempakan, comes this li'l bugger, which will hopefully manage to hold my attention for more than a month. I promise nothing.

I'll be sitting for my SPM in about a month. Joy to the world, I is dead. But the importance of this is that I will, effectively, be lazing about for about eight months until I (hopefully) begin my two years in the International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma program. During which I will, most probably, go completely nuts. Anyway. Allow me to ostracize my uselessly obscure style of writing now. Referring to the dictionary to make sure I get everything right is too tedious for my liking. Heheh. Heh. Now...

Where was I?

Oh, right. Welcome to my blog, Summa Cum Laude (snort-snicker-snicker), even if I do say so myself. And if you got that lame joke, send me a message. I'd love to get to know someone who's as easily amused, and as much of a loser as I am to actually check up on what Magna Cum Laude meant when he/she saw the game "Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude" or heard someone say that they "graduated cum laude".

This is me. No pretensions, no mendacity, none of the superficial camaraderie that you see in excess in today's world. This is me at my most quintessential, and though I promise that my future posts won't be as verbose (BWAHA! That rhymes! Entirely coincidental, I assure you) as this one - I seem to be in a very flowery mood today - this digital journal will document my jeremiads in all their quixotic levity and anything creative that may have found its way from the crevices of my brain.

Wow, I just gave myself a headache typing that. What is it about serif fonts that bring out the disgustingly flowery writer in me? Either way, a few warnings:
I am randomosity to the fullest extent of the word.
I could be one of the cool kids at worst and a total geek at best.
I am female. And somewhat obsessive compulsive. Especially when it comes to English.
I am approachable. I am human, after all - if you'd like to talk to me, just give it a shot.
I procrastinate. Fo' serious.
I love my friends. Oh, and...
I'm annoying. Cheers.